Suck more, grow more.
We all know nothing changes if everything is fine. If there are no issues, there is no need to change anything. Perfect relationships don’t improve because they are perfect (even though they are not).
The problem with perfect is that it isn’t. Perfect changes as you get better. Everything seems fine until it gets better. Think about that. You don’t know what you are missing until you learn what you are missing.
Here are five ways to suck more and then less.
- Find someone better than you. The most life-changing thing you can do is to search out a better version of yourself. Want to be a better dad? Who is the best you know? Seek them out, and watch them interact with their children. Talk to them about parenthood.
- Ask a trusted friend about areas in which you suck. This one is hard, not only for you but for your friend. You may need to get specific. “Hey bro friend, what would you say is my biggest weakness?” “What am I the worst at?”
- Take note when things go wrong. Get in an argument with a friend or family member? Has something happened at work? Push pause, and dig into what exactly just happened. How did you feel? What did you say? Were your initial reactions appropriate? Think through how to respond better and behave the next time. Notice the feelings that led to the failed response.
- Apologize. Apologizing is hard. But it helps you not only repair damaged relationships, but it also helps you learn. Most apologies lead to a discussion about feelings. Learning how other people feel can help you deal with future similar situations. A great way to start an apology is to tell the other person how much you, yourself, suck. You know it is accurate, and they will agree. Now you will be able to get less sucky with a real conversation.
- Do work—the things I list above work. The problem is most people won’t do the job. All the things I listed above are difficult. Not the easy path. Not the middle way, either. This is a high level of work. You can do it, however. The main thing to remember is that you will significantly suck at this work initially. But remember sucking is just a sign that you are aware of your shortcomings.
Awareness is the first step.
The one who sucks the most has the best chance of getting better.
Here’s to sucking! Have a great day.